When the Nest Empties

When the house empties, often the marriage collapses or the adults get sick. I think that's because people are living a story that doesn't make sense but they were too busy to notice. So what do people do? - They create an inciting incident. They give themselves permission to toss out everything they've created over 25 years and do some crazy reaction story by stuffing everything they hate about their current lives into a cannon and then introduce a new storyline from the splatter that hit the wall.

Jurgen Wolff has provided us with the story spine - how to reduce a story to its simplest structure.

1. Once upon a time (basic setup)
2. Every day (conditions at start)
3. But one day ... (inciting incident)
4. Because of that....(conflict moves story along)
5. Because of that....
6. (Repeat) (basic conflicts and escalations of act II, to the end of Act)
7. Until finally....(resolution)
8. Ever since then....(new status quo)

You have a life. Jurgen has given you a basic story structure. After 55, you should be getting to Steps 7 and 8. That will give you plenty of time for revising and polishing and publishing and maybe even profiting from a completed story.

Gen Y - Our Hope

Our best hope for pulling out of the current economic woes is Gen Y. They don't let shifting economic circumstances prevent them from embracing life, embracing adventure, moving forward. I think every Baby Boomer needs a Gen Y mentor. The current system definitely needed an overhaul. We have a lot of old, conservative, dependable stocks tumbling because the organizations are too tall, too inflexible, too distanced from the consumers. There should be some voice on the automotive board of directors to explain what lower income people require in an automobile. Executives want to wrap their aging bones in comfort and can well afford to do so seeing as they are driving company cars. Kids need a vehicle stronger than an aluminum beer can for a price lower than their annual income because unlike the executives, kids are actually consumers forking out money every month for the privilege of being able to drive to their modestly paid jobs. I'd say put a Gen Y on your board of directors but we all know where that has traditionally gone. "If you hire my kid for your corporation's special summer hiring program, I'll hire your kid from my corporation's special summer hiring program." Nice but hardly a way to broaden and diversify the voices being brought to the table. Look in the mirror and then turn around and look at the world. What always worked in the past, isn't working today. Your hope lies in Gen Y because they are still buying Christmas presents and houses and electronics and having babies and fueling the economic system after many older heads have pulled back and decided they would only act if the outcome were guaranteed, certain, sensible, a sure thing.

Blogging About Kids

I decided to give the kids a break and not exploit the details of their lives in my blogs. This was a big journey for me. I was quite proud of myself. Imagine my surprise to receive a call from one them questioning that decision. Are they the center of my universe or planets spinning on separate orbs? For a long time, they were the center of my universe or maybe I was the center of the universe. With this mother/child relationship, it's hard to tell. There are four of them and one of me so I think I was the one sitting in the hole in the center of the table equal distance from all of them. They wanted to move beyond my reach - to move away and have a life that wasn't symbiotic. But now they are buying houses and pets and building tables where they sit in the hole in the middle of the table. And thankfully, they'd like their father and I to take seats around those tables. But those tables are someone else's tables. We're not the ones holding everything together anymore. We're now on the outside of the table - we're the ones that are hard to hold - who want to take off and be with our peers. I guess there's a lot more written about needing to let go of your children than there is about how to hang on to your parents. The shift was anticipated and accepted by us. I gather it's a bit of a shock to them.

Post Menopausal Zest

In WWII, they discovered that post menopausal women were real little workhorses. Like the energizer bunny, the just kept going after the younger ones were too tired.
I think you tube has come up with the answer to this phenomenon.
I no longer have to devote any energy to saying all this stuff in the Mom Song every day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxT5NwQUtVM&NR=1
and I also do not have the frustration of having to listen to all this stuff in the Response to the Mom Song every day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJlZnPIzyLg
It's like going into tools and doing a major delete of history and sites visited.

Urban Legend? Possibly Not

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/12/11/orgasms-during-childbirth/?em
Orgasms During Childbirth? What would happen if women were taught to enjoy birth rather than endure it? This article has 395 comments and growing.

When I was in nursing school, orgasms weren't on the curriculum but there was something about women's ability to control their own pain. And then I had my first baby and questioned every single thing I had every been taught. I'm thinking it's closer to infant circumcision - hospital style. I've seen babies vomit, pee and poop while crying at the top of their little lungs during the procedure and never bought the idea that babies don't feel pain which was in vogue at the time. Let's just say my first labour was a very messy event and the epidural took affect about half a second before my heart considered quitting. That said, I continued having babies and I didn't buy the paediatric associations stand that baby boys shouldn't be circumsized. If you had to sit with 5 year old boys waiting to be circumcized the next day, you wouldn't have taken a chance on that one either.

I'm just curious about why the childbirth orgasm thing has re-surfaced. My husband heard a radio show about it during my last pregnancy which was 20 some years ago. You know why I think it's possible? Angelina Jolie reportedly says she experiences orgasms while getting tatoos. So there you have it. If pain turns you on, then childbirth is an ultimate experience. There's another possible explanation as well. In the Yukon, epidurals weren't available and I was given a drug that allowed you to feel the pain but blocked your ability to be concerned about it and then caused you to forget it. I wouldn't recommend you taking that drug however because it permanently changed my ability to process pain. Sometimes experiencing pain is a good thing. Pain is your body's way of motivating you to demand attention and act while there's still time to save your life. If I were in a delivery room with an orgasming woman in labour, I'd be wondering about a drug screen and a neurological assessment of the mom.

Popcorn & Saltzman Predictions

Jurgeon Wolff's December Brainstorm e-bulletin included this:
Trend spotters Faith Popcorn and Marian Saltzman shared their predictions with the Los Angeles Times recently. Here are some of their key prognostications:

* generational tension (recent grads will feel cheated and resent Baby Boomers);
* the entertainment industry will thrive, with a heavy emphasis on nostalgia, happy endings, and fantasy;
* a move to safer cities and an increase in escapist behaviour, including smoking and drinking;
* stronger nuclear families and families of friends (including communal living) and sharing of transportation;
* acceptance of downward mobility - going simpler, smaller, and more ecologically aware.

Why am I always so ahead of my time. Before Gen Y was even born, I was so ready to work in a flat organization that threw appreciation parties every 2 weeks but geez there I was like so underappreciated. And now the latest rage is downward mobility. Like I'm so "been there, done that". Before I'd even seen this, didn't I write that blog post on buying books for mom saying give me happiness literature. Here I am living in small town Ontario opting for way less crazy driving than Windsor. Don't I share my car so much that I hardly ever drive it. Didn't I just learn how to make a chocolate martini - heavy on the chocolate sauce. I draw the line at communal living though. I'm more the hermit living inside a cave in the middle of a desert type - well a cave with high speed internet so I can connect with family and friends. So if you don't know where to begin when it comes to creating a nostalgic, fantasy life where everything ends happily, give me a shout. That's my genre.

Canada's 100 War Dead

The Canadian people know the name and story of all 100
http://www.thestar.com/specialSections/afghancasualties The average age of Canada's war dead in Afghanistan is 29 years old. Every time a death is announced, I check to see if Canada has remained true to its promise not to send children into war. There are no teenagers amongst the 100. The down side to sending adults into war is that they have dependents - 38 women and one man have now been deprived of a spouse. The war dead have left behind 63 children, ranging in age from adult to infant.

My oldest son tried to join the regular forces when he was in Gr. 11. My husband intervened. He talked to both his reserves commander and the recruitment office and told them not to accept his application until he had his Grade 12 diploma. It really wasn't an issue - the regular forces makes it difficult - almost impossible for a kid without a high school diploma to enlist.

When I look at those 100 faces, I know I am looking at the faces of committed adults who made a decision to serve their country. They paid the ultimate sacrifice because they believed in the mission. They weren't tricked into enlisting. They weren't immature kids with some movie idea of what war was all about. Even after basic training, the military doesn't send someone to Afghanistan just because they volunteer to go. Those soldiers had to prove that they had the maturity and preparation required to make sound decisions under extremely stressful conditions.

It hurts to watch each coffin return. The difference between a child soldier and an adult soldier is that we believe an adult has to do what an adult feels called to do. Life is a gift - a mother brings a child into the world and then steps back and watches what her child decides to do with this wonderful gift. Some mothers wait for the return of flag draped coffins. I watch them and cry but I get it. They did what mothers are supposed to do - they produced adults capable of making difficult, dangerous choices. It's important to look at the faces of the fallen - lest we forget.