Tuesday, June 12, 2012
6 Month Milestone
The 5th month of widowhood was really hard. It was when deferred deadlines started piling up. Despite working every day on the move, I hadn't made near the progress I'd expected. My daughter says I overthink everything rather than taking a risk and just going for it. My number 1 priority was keeping my health stable which was achieveable. My number 2 priority was moving. That was a more difficult goal. The pain of living amidst Stephen's stuff and the pain of closing the door on that whole married chapter of life were paralyzing. Not wanting to leave and not wanting to stay were powerful equal and opposite forces. Finally I ended the deadlock by getting on a plane and flying to Halifax. My husband only flew to the East coast for the wedding and my son and his family now live in a totally different area of Nova Scotia so there's little of Stephen here. Two weeks away has been very healing. Between the German Shepherd and the 15th month old toddler, the present moment is always in focus. The next priority is figuring out the family dynamics now that one key member is no longer with us. Up to this point, the family has been consistently expanding with the marriages and grandbabies. Now my adult children have to be solidly adult as does their mother. We're all transitioning to new levels of maturity. We can do it - it's just a matter of acknowledging the leadership skills that we've acquired over the years but have never truly affirmed in each other because Stephen was our patriarch.